Naruto Blind dates 2!
by Tally Mai-chan
Summary: The ever exciting Naruto Blind dates are back! This time longer and more crack than ever! 44 characters from Naruto all on random dates! Akatsuki and most of team snake included! Don't miss out! It's Guaranteed that you will laugh your butt off.
1. Intro

I'm back! And badder than ever! This time the dates are going to be longer and some a little more fluffier. MAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! Without further due let the dates begin!

* * *

Tsunade had gathered everybody up in her very cramped office once again.

"Ok everybody! Do to the great success of last time we will be participating in the blind date program once again!" She cheered. There was a moment of silence before every single person in her office threw rotten fruit at her. They really wanted to throw their kunai but they can't go killing the Hokage now can they?

* * *

The Akatsuki was once again called for a meeting.

"We're doing the blind date program again." He said with a sigh.

"What! (yeah!)" Came the other's response.

"I know that you guys don't want to go through all of that again, especially you Sasori, but you must grit your teeth and bare it. We got a lot of money the last time we did this."

"I'm doing this for the money. I'm doing this for the money" Kakuzu chanted under his breath.

"I'm not going to a bar again." Hidan's head hurt at the thought of the hangover he got last time.

"Don't worry. Now take these pills." Leader held out 8 small white pills in his hands. The others looked at the pills questionably but ate them anyways. When has leader ever done anything to make them not trust him? Konan and Leader were the only ones not to eat the strange white pills.

"Dismissed." The Akatsuki filled out of the room. Konan remained behind with leader.

"What were those white pills?" She asked curious.

"Special solider pills I found at Walgreens."

"Did they have a box?"

"Yeah right here."

Konan examined the box, her mouth a thin line. "These aren't solider pills." She said blankly.

"There not?"

"Nope. It's Viagra."

"Oh dear pie what have I done."

"This is going to be interesting." She calmly remarked while praying that her blind date wasn't one of the guys.

* * *

"Kabuto! We're doing the blind date program again!"

"…"

"I know! Your like total excited right?"

"…"

"You are like so totally are! Awesome! I must go pick out an outfit! You should too!"

"…"

* * *

"…"

"Sasuke what is it?" Karin took a step towards Sasuke who was glaring at them. He said nothing and just threw two manila folders at them.

"OH NOT THIS AGAIN!" Karin screamed at the top of her lungs. Suigetsu was now a hundred percent sure that Sasuke was on drugs.

* * *

Are you excited about the next installment of Naruto Blind dates? Well you should be! Crack, fluff and maybe lemons! Who knows! Reviews make my day. Every time you don't review a bunny dies. Just remember that while you back out of this story to find something else to read.


	2. Date 1: Konan and Karin

Date 1: Konan and Karin (No flames please.)

* * *

Konan was sitting on a shored paddle boat. She was waiting patiently for her date.

"Excuse me." Came a woman's voice from behind her. Konan turned to see a woman with red hair that was long and straight on one side and untidy on the other.

"Can I help you?" The Akatsuki kunoichi asked the woman.

"Are you my blind date?" she replied.

"Probably"

"Okay! My date last time was a total pervert."

* * *

Konan and Karin were sitting in the paddle boat now floating gently in the middle of the lake.

"This is nice… it's…peaceful." Karin commented.

"Yeah it is. "

They turned to look at each other and for the first time they realized something.

They were gay.

A blush exploded across Karin's face. Konan's turned into a light shade of pink. It got very awkward between then very fast.

"Um I-" Karin was cut off by Konan's lips on her own. She froze from shock but quickly got over it and returned the kiss. The humble paddle boat rocked as their kiss got more passionate. They separated for air. They panted heavily as they stared into each other's eyes. Then they realized that they weren't gay, it was just a spur of the moment thing. The boat rocked violently as they scooted as far as possible from each other. Nothing so embarrassing has happened to them. Not even when Deidara walked in a Konan naked or when Sasuke caught Karin crouching over him pulling his shirt off.

"This is…" Konan started. Not finding the right word.

"a gosh awful date?"

"Yeah that too but it's…"

"Hot?"

"Yes…"

"Is it possible to be straight and gay?"

"I don't think so."

"Uh huh"

So they rowed back to shore and just chatted pleasantly all the while keeping a safe distance from each other.


	3. Date 2: Gaara and Ayame

Date 2: Gaara and Ayame

* * *

AN: I have decided for this date to be cracked up. Why? Because the date would be totally boring then. Besides. It did it last time? Why not do it again.

Gaara and Ayame sat across from each other at a smacnsy restaurant in Suna. They had just ordered and were waiting patiently. Gaara decided to try out his newly obtained conversational skills on Ayame by starting a simple conversation with her. Plan A.

"Lovely weather we're having."

"Um… yeah… I think. Can't really see the weather from inside."

Gaara smacked himself mentally. Time for plan B. "I hear that Rain is getting a new Kage."

"I don't follow politics."

"…" Plan C. "How are you?"

"Alright…."

Dang. Plan D. "Done anything recently?"

"I made ramen the other day."

"Ramen is good."

"Yep."

"Do you like ramen?"

"Why would I make ramen all day if I didn't like it?"

"Oh yeah…." Plan E "You have pretty eyes?"

"Um… thank you?"

"…."

"…."

The waiter came up carrying their food. "Here you are." He set the food down in front of them. Ayame had ramen and Gaara had PB and J.

Gaara had no choice left. It was plan F or nothing. "I'm like a rubrics' cube. The more you play the harder I get."

Ayame spit out the ramen she had just ate. And stared at him. Gaara played it safe and pretended not to have said anything. Ayame didn't say a thing for the rest of the date. In fact she ignored Gaara altogether. Poor Gaara, he really needs to work on his socializing skills.


	4. Date 3: Chiyo and Shikamaru

Date 3: Chiyo and Shikamaru

* * *

"You are good boy."

"Yeah I know right?"

"It makes my bones creak just thinking about it."

"Yeah my moves are pretty smooth."

"Smooth? Their dang fine! I've never been so exhausted before."

"What can I say? I play rough and mercilessly."

"Definitely."

"Wanna go a second round?"

"You bet!"

"Be prepared. I'm not holding anything back this time. Just try to keep up."

"I'll show you what this old lady can do!"

Shikamaru and Chiyo were playing chess. Chiyo had never lost a match and Shikamaru beat her as if it was nothing. Her dignity was on the line. Someone had to show this youngling how to really play chess.


	5. Date 4: Tsunade and Sai

Date 4: Tsunade and Sai.

* * *

To Tsunade's thankfulness her date this time was at a park. She was sitting on a park bench waiting patiently.

"Hello Tsunade-sama." Sai walked up all smiley he had a book in his hands. It was the same book as last time.

"Ah Sai. I'm guessing that you are my date?"

"Yep!" He sat down next to her still smiling at her. She smiled back and looked at a bird that caught her eye. Sai took this change to refer to his book.

**A Dating guide for the mentally retarded 2****nd**** edition.**

Women love to be complemented.

Tell them how beautiful they are

Never call them ugly

Say they have nice eyes

or shiny hair.

"You look lovely today Tsunade-sama." Sai smiled brightly. Tsunade stifled a small giggle.

"Oh please, an old lady like me?"

"I don't think that you're that old."

"Don't make me laugh boy."

"I really don't think that you're that old."

"How old do you think I am Sai?"

Sai froze. He remembered reading something about this in his book. He flapped to chapter 10.

**Chapter 10: A woman's age**

Never, I repeat NEVER answer this question.

If is safer to never even bring up

The conversation about age.

If it ever dose come up

……

You're screwed.

Sai gulped. Tsunade looked him wittingly. So Sai did the only thing he could do, answer the question asked.

"64?"

"Wrong answer."

Sai's date ended with him being sent to the hospital as a pulp of bone and skin while Tsunade swore on her grave that she will make his life horrible for the rest of his life.


	6. Date 5: Choji and Kurenai

Date 5: Choji and Kurenai.

* * *

Choji and Kurenai was just served their food at a fancy restaurant.

"Choji please show some manners." Kurenai glanced at the people staring at them. Many looked appalled while others just shook their heads. Kurenai sunk down in her seat. She was going to give Asuma a piece of her mind about his student when she meets up with him later to… um… use your imagination.

"Did you say something?" He asked, food dripping from his mouth.

"Show some manners!" kurenai hissed.

Choji shrugged and ate with more gusto than ever. Kurenai had enough, she bought a dress for the occasion hoping for a better date than last time but no, she had to get the slob of all slobs. She slammed her fist down on the table. Or so she thought. She actually slammed her fist down on her plate causing the chicken to go flying off it.

The chicken landed in some lady's soup.

The lady screamed and jumped back out of her seat causing her and the chair to fall over.

The chair and lady hit a waiter who dropped the tray of food he was holding onto a table next to him.

The guy at the table started screaming and punched the waiter.

He missed and hit another waiter who was helping the first waiter.

The second waiter stumbled back knocking a table over.

The contents of the table spilled out onto the floor.

A third waiter slipped on a bowl that was sent flying.

The bowl landed in Kurenai's soup splattering it onto her dress.

Choji didn't notice a thing and just kept eating. Kurenai stormed off to vent her anger out of some poor unfortunate object.


	7. Date 6: Shino and Kakashi

Date 6: Shino and Kakashi.

* * *

"Oh hello Shino. How are you?" Kakashi looked up from his book to see Shino hovering over him like a… bee.

"Are you my date?" Shino seemed to give off a strong emo aura.

"Um, I guess…."

"I see."

"What? Did your date not go well last time?"

"Yes… I got the date of my dreams."

"What's wrong with that?"

"She ended up being something completely different then the person I fell in love with."

"Ouch."

"My emoness from the expiriance has still not gone away. My emo gang is still around, emo as usual."

"Well if it makes you feel any better my date was my old teammate."

"Really? I'm sure you had fun reminiscing."

Kakashi sighed. "No, not at all. She broke out in tears over our dead comrade who loved her."

"That is bad."

"Tell me about it."

"I'm hungry."

"Same here." Kakashi stifled a laugh. He was talking to Shino and reading his book at the same time.

"What are you reading?" Shino curiously asked.

"Nothing that your virgin eyes must ever see."

"…"

"He he he"

"I'ma go find my emo gang. The emoness will never go away."

"he he he"

Shino went back to his emo gang that eagerly welcomed him back. It just wasn't the same without him.


	8. Date 7: Hinata and Lee

Date 7: Hinata and Lee

* * *

"Youthful Hinata-chaaaan! Are you having a good time?" Lee and Hinata had snuck into a frat party.

"Um... are you sure that we should be here Lee-san?" Hinata twiddled her fingers she felt heavy from all the looks guys were giving her.

"Don't worry Hinata-hime! I shall protect you from all evil! Hinata-chan?" During Lee's ranting the crowd of dancers had swelled sucking Hinata into the throng. She called after Lee but Lee was too busy promising her how he will protect her from all evil.

"Hey, little girl?" A very drunk man wrapped an arm around Hinata's shoulders. The shy girl eep'ed and was too stunned to try to get away from the man. "Want some speed?" He asked.

Hinata having no knowledge of drugs nodded her head thinking that it was like some kind of solider pill and also cause she wanted to get away from the man.

After 5 hours Lee finally found Hinata. She was laughing merrily with a few older men. She giggled a high annoying laugh.

"Hinata-chan!" Lee gasped. He saw the drugs around her and the men. Neji was going to kill him. Lee quickly grabbed Hinata.

"Wow, to fast, head spinning… you look funny. Is that how your hair really looks? You look like a beetle." She giggled and started to dance. "Pretty colors…"

"Hinata! Snap out of it!" Lee begged. He had to, somehow, get Hinata un-high.

"You're sexy." She hiccupped. Lee blushed then remembered that it was the drugs talking. He dragged her out of the party.

"Rape!" Hinata screamed at the top of her lungs. She started to hyper ventilate. Lee smacked his hand over her mouth and with ninja speed got as far away from that party as possible. Neji was defiantly going to kill him.

Hinata was returned safely to the Hyuga compound. Though he got chased around Konoha by Neji who was going to strangle him for getting his cousin on drugs. Hinata eventually recovered from her dose but a strange side effect happened. She was braver and more confident. She always spoke her mind and got what ever she wanted even if she had to use force to get it. Her father was so proud that his girl was finally showing backbone that he didn't even mind the act that it all started because she took speed. Neji never forgave Lee though.


	9. Date 8: Kabuto and Deidara

Date 8: Kabuto and Deidara

* * *

Deidara was so relaxed. He was in his warn bed with his head resting on his warm pillow… wait a sec? Since when was his pillow so warm… AND WHEN DID IT MOVE!

With a yelp he jumped out of bed, disturbing his "pillow". The "pillow" covered in blankets fell the floor with a hard 'Thunk'

Deidara rubbed his head trying to remember what happened. He groaned in misery when all he came up with was just a jumbled mess. He turned his attention back to his "pillow" that was slowly getting. Sweat rolled down his forehead and his "pillow" pulled the blanket of itself.

He screamed a silent scream of horror when Kabuto, KABUTO stood in front of him staring back at him with the same expression.

"OMG!" They both screamed and back peddled away from each other. Deidara hurriedly patted himself, all he had on was boxers, same for Kabuto.

"What the heck!" Kabuto screamed while fumbling for his glasses.

"You bet what the heck! Yeah! Why are you in my bed, yeah!"

"I don't know!" He found his glasses and shoved them up his nose. "Why are you in just your boxers?"

"You are too!"

"OMG!!FKJSLDHFKSLDHF"

"Shut up, un! We need to think… what in the world happened?"

"Um… it's all so jumbled."

"Think, think."

"Wait! The Blind Date program!" Kabuto exclaimed.

"Yeah that's it! I was on my blind date!" Deidara pounded his fist into his hand.

Kabuto shivered as something clicked in his head. "So was I…"

"…"

"…"

"OMG!" The both screamed again. "I DON'T SWING THAT WAY!"

"I especially don't sleep with men, yeah" Deidara mumbled.

"Same here." Kabuto mumbled back.

Deidara rubbed his head again. "Ok what happened next… there…there was a bar!"

"Yeah! I remember that now, we had a few drinks…."

"I think you had more that just a few, yeah. You kept calling me sexy." Deidara smirked

Kabuto blushed, he actually blushed! "I… I… I DON'T REMEMBER THAT!" He yelled.

"I do." Deidara sneered. "You don't swing that way, yeah?"

"Shut up! If I remember correctly you "invited" me to your room." Deidara's face fell.

"I did not."

"Oh you did."

"Shut up before I blast you into a million pieces!"

"EEP!"

"Good, yeah. Now what happened next…. Oh dear pie…."

"What?"

"No, un. There's no way on earth that…"

"WHAT! TELL ME DANGIT!"

"We…" He made certain gestures with his hands. Kabuto's face went paler than Orochimaru's.

"I think that I'm going to be sick…"

"Do it in the bathroom, yeah!"

"…"

"I DID NOT MEAN IT THAT WAY! IF YOUR GOING TO THROW UP THEN DO SO IN THE BATHROOM YOU SICK TWISTED KID OF OROCHIMARU! I BET YOU DO IT WITH HIM ALL THE TIME!"

"THAT'S CONFIDENTIAL! HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

"You really do it with that snake?"

"You didn't know?"

"No I was just kidding but man you really do do-"

"SHUT UP!" Kabuto puffed out of the room leaving Deidara cracking up and rolling around of the floor. He couldn't wait to tell the guys this juicy piece of information that he had just learned.


	10. Date 9: Hana and Kisame

Date 9: Hana and Kisame

* * *

"This is nice." Hana was a bit iffy about going on a date to the aquarium with a guy that eerily looks like a fish but now she didn't mind. Her date was quite… nice.

"Yeah." It was love at first sight for Kisame. He loved everything about Hana. The way she looked, the way she moved. She was an image of perfection in his mind.

"Hey look! There's a food court here, I'm starved." Hana licked her lips which Kisame loved.

"Ok" he said, he was on cloud nine. In total bliss.

At the food court the two of them got some hamburgers and French fries. Hana daintily placed a napkin on her lap and placed another next to her tray then she dug in with full force. Bits of food was thrown everywhere as she attacked her food like a starved animal.

Kisame watched her, open mouthed. He loved her more than ever now.

"I'll be back." He mumbled and dashed out of the food court. Hana growled then shrugged and attacked her fries. Meanwhile Kisame was rushing to the souvenir shop where he promptly bought a ring. He hoped it would be ok since it was a mood ring that cost like 1 dollar. With ninja speed he dashed back to the food court and got down on one knee.

"Hana" He panted. "Will you marry me?"

Hana looked up from her food for half a second and said very slowly. "No way." Then attacked her food once again.

Kisame was heart broken. He fell like a brick from cloud nine straight to the center of the earth where he burned with pain. His heart was literally in two. He ended up giving the ring to Itachi so it'd be easier to tell if he's in one of his "moods" and joined Shino's emo gang. Kisame swore to never go on a blind date again.


	11. Date 10: Suigetsu and Temari

Date 10: Suigetsu and Temari

* * *

Suigetsu and Temari had just finished riding The Beast at Kings Island in Ohio.

"I LOVE this ride!" Temari screamed.

"I think that the Son of Beast is better" Suigetsu contradicted. Temari gave him a don't-contradict-me-glare. Suigetsu broke out in a hard sweat. "But this ride is awesome too!" He said quickly. Temari smiled and gave another cheer. Gaara, using his powers as Kage, got them special passes that lets them skip all lines and ride for as long as they want.

"Ya wanna go ride the crypt now?' Suigetsu suggested. Temari nodded and they left The Beast.

(line)

They rode every ride at the park 10 times. They had just settled down for lunch at Starbucks. Temari sipped eagerly at her black coffee while Suigetsu drunk his Pepsi.

"How can you drink that stuff?" Suigetsu hated black coffee.

"I need to drink it like this. Being the Kazekage's sister is a very hard job. I also have clean the house and cook dinner since Gaara and Kankuro know squat.

Suigetsu nodded his head understanding. "Yeah I know how you feel. I need a good dose of caffeine before I can deal with Sasuke and his "moods" Juugo can be a pain too. One moment he's listening the birds chirp and the next he tries to stab you in the back! Karin is the worst though. She changes moods faster that Orochimaru through bodies! One moment she's all beeyoch-in-your-face and the next she's all I-love-you-guys! It's all a ploy to kill me so she can have Sasuke all to herself, I know it."

"Wow, and I thought I had it bad."

"You don't know the half of it. Karin tries to poison everything that goes into my mouth. I have to dispose of all the bodies that Juugo kills in his rages and I firmly believe that Sasuke is on drugs. He drinks too."

"Uchiha drinks?"

"Yep. He has a bottle like every 5 minuets"

"Wow. Once I caught Kankuro sipping Sake. I gave him such an earful for it that he never goes near the stuff now."

"Maybe I should try that. Do some research or somethin' "

"Wanna go ride some more rides now?"

"Heh you bet."

Their date ended happily. Suigetsu and Temari didn't see each other again for many years but when they did they dated some more, got married and had two little girls name Nessy and Flipper. Oh and Suigetsu got Sasuke so scared of drugs and Sake that Sasuke screams like a little girl when ever he sees the stuff.


	12. Date 11: Neji and Anko

Date 11: Neji and Anko

* * *

Neji was in fear for his life. He was on a date with the most wicked of all scary woman. Anko. His date was wild, fierce and loud. Their date was at an extreme sports festival. Neji hated every second of it. Anko dragged him everywhere. She even dragged him into the "Think you got skills? Try them out!" Booth at the festival. Basically it's a booth were you do all of the dangerous stunts that the professionals do. Anko dragged him onto the most dangerous one. The one so dangerous that he had to sing a form that said that the people running the booth were not responsible for his death. What really scared him was the fact that it didn't say anything about injuries.

"Anko-san, please, I'm begging you. Rethink this madness!" Neji pleaded to the scary nin. Anko gave him the scariest look he had ever seen.

"What? Are you some wussy? I ain't afraid of nothin'! You're a Hyuga! Show some backbone!" Anko revved the motorcycle. They were going to jump a ramp and fly over 10 buses and through a flaming loop. Neji gulped. There's no way he was going to live through this. As Anko gave a whoop of joy and set off. Going from 0 to 60 mph towards the ramp Neji said his prayers and made his will.

"WHOOOOOOOO!" They flew off the ramp and was over the 4th bus. Neji closed his eyes. He didn't want to see his death racing towards him. But alas his death never came.

"Hey, you can open your eyes now." Anko chuckled. Neji opened his eyes and saw that they were safely on the ground at the other end. They had somehow made it.

"Hallelujah!" He shouted and did leaps of joy.

"Oh by the way… you're on fire."

Neji gasped and saw his burning sleeve. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" he ran around in frantic circles. Anko smacked her head and threw a blunt kunai at his head. With his senses back Neji stopped, dropped and roll.

"Wussy." Anko muttered under her breath then screamed. "Ultimate sky diving!" Neji moaned in horror.

Neji survived the date… but just barely. Anko visited him everyday he was in the hospital.


	13. Date 12: Hidan and Sasuke

Date 12: Hidan and Sasuke

* * *

"Suigetsu was right… Sake was going to be the end of me."

"Oh shut up." Hidan pulled his pants back on. Sasuke was still in his bed and uhh… erm… let's just say he didn't have any pants on.

"This is crazy. I never, NEVER planed to sleep with a guy. Especially an Akatsuki. I mean seriously!" Sasuke beeyoched

"Hey! Only I say seriously, seriously!" Hidan grabbed his cloak. "I'm going to kill leader for this. It has to because of those little white pills he gave us."

"White pills?" Sasuke asked while he looked for his pants.

"Yeah, he said that they were some special solider pills but they couldn't have been. For one thing they tasted like medicine and I got this weird feeling in my-"

"I don't need details."

"(Bleep) you."

"You just did." Sasuke smirked and pulled his pants on. He didn't show it but he was still in shock from the fact that he had just slept with a man.

"DFSDKJHFLKSDFHL!!" Hidan screamed. Sasuke flipped him the bird.

"What ever. I'm going to go find out what those pills were." He grabbed the door handle and turned it violently. The door didn't budge. "WHAT THE HECK!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You looked the door and ate the key remember?"

"I DID WHAT!"

"You heard me."

"Well how the heck do we get out of here then?"

"You figure it out. I'm not the one that ate they key."

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

"No you hate your brother."

"I hate both of you."

"But you hate your brother more."

"Of course."

"So you really don't hate me then."

"Is there a point to this?"

"No."

"THEN SHUT UP AND GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Okay, okay just please shut up, seriously."

"… you said please"

"Just because I'm an Akatsuki doesn't mean that I can't say please."

"But that's just it. You're an Akatsuki. A S-rank criminal in every bingo book and bank. You don't say please.

"WELL I DO!"

"Forget it and hurry up with a plan to get us out of here.

"I guess that I could just cut open my stomach and get the key out that way."

"…"

"Hey be useful and pull the key out of my stomach." He pulled a kunai from his pocket and slit his belly.

"You know that you could of just broke the door down."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT SOONER?"

"I didn't think that you were this stupid."

"Just shut up and pull the (BLEEP BLEEPPING) key out from my stomach before I pass out from blood loss."

"No… Grand fire ball no jutsu!" In one attack Sasuke burned down the door and left Hidan bleeding in the room.

Hidan fainted from blood loss and was found hours later by rabid fangirls. Sasuke stayed at least 5 feet away from all guys from that point on.


	14. Date 13: Tayuya and Itachi

Me: Whew! Longest date so far! I re-watched my favorite movie before writing this (evil grin)

* * *

Date13: Tayuya and Itachi.

* * *

Tayuya couldn't tell if she was either the luckiest girl in the world or that she was going to die a horrible mind rape death (Just to clear some things up I consider Itachi's techniques mind rape cuz if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. It also helps to be a little crazy like me) She was at an Opera on a date with Uchiha Itachi. Pinch her she must be dreaming or about to have a nightmare.

The Opera was (friggen good choice on my part) Phantom of the Opera. The show had just started and Tayuya was getting sleepy. Itachi said nothing so far. He looked at her once, _once_. He must be anti-social. Sure she liked music but she would rather be playing it. Soon she was fast asleep.

In her dream.

"Tayuya!" Someone called her name. A slender girl with long blonde hair came bounding up next to her. "Your solo! It's almost time!"

"Wait what?" Tayuya looked around and saw that she was no longer sitting next to Itachi at the opera house. Instead she was in a rather nice dressing room wearing a puffy white dress with baby blue trimmings.

"Hurry! No time to waste!"

"Wait! I don't know any solo!" Tayuya pleaded. She didn't where she was or how the heck she got there.

"It's the stage fright speaking. Now come on!"

Tayuya was dragged through a chaotic passage with ladies and men all dressed in exotic clothes curried about. Soon she found herself pushed on to a stage before hundreds of people. She gulped anxiously. Music wafted from the orchestra pit. Her mouth opened but no word or sound came out. The crowd whispered amongst itself. From the side of the stage that strange girl that dragged her into all of this hissed at her to sing. Tayuya didn't think she just acted. She sang the first thing that came to her head that just happened to be what she needed to sing.

When her last note reverberated throughout the hall there was total silence. The roar from the crowd was definite.

* * *

Tayuya was back in the dressing room only this time everywhere she looked there was a vase of roses. She gasped when Orochimaru stepped into the room carrying flowers.

"Tayuya! It is I, Orochimaru! Your childhood sweet heart! Come I must by you dinner."

"NO WAY!" Tayuya shrieked and backed far away from the snake. "WHY ARE YOU HERE AND WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?"

"It's what everybody wears Tayuya; please don't tell me this all about your "angel" again is it? That's getting old."

"What angel? If there's an angel then where is he? I need to get out of here!"

"Listen, you change for dinner and I'll be right back." Orochimaru left the room almost as fast as he entered it.

"There's no way this can get any creepier." Tayuya changed her dress anyways cuz she felt like it and the first dress she was wearing made her itch. Well he spoke to soon. All the candles in her room went out and a fog some how appeared. "Ok now it can't get any creepier"

"I am your angel of music." A soft, heavenly voice sung. She gasped and turned to face her mirror where that sound had come from. Itachi stood in her mirror. She turned around but saw no one there when she turned back Itachi was still there in her mirror.

"Come to me angel of music" He sang again in his way too smexy voice." Tayuya couldn't help but listen to the beautiful voice. She vaguely heard Orochimaru yelling.

Itachi grabbed her hand and pulled her through the mirror. Her heart was racing. This had to be that hottest moment of her life.

Of course when ever anything good happens to you it has to end almost abruptly.

"Wake up." Itachi had shaken out of her slumber. The opera was over and people were filling out. Itachi looked into her eyes blankly. "You fell asleep."

"Well thank you for pointing out the obvious." Tayuya sneered at him. She was having a good dream, even if it was about him abducing her. She had to admit. Itachi sure was hot.

Itachi left her after that and Tayuya had to go back to Orochimaru. Although from that point on Tayuya started a rather nice collection of smexy Itachi pictures.


	15. Date 14: Gai and Sakura

Yeah not the best date so far -.-

* * *

Date 14: Gai and Sakura

* * *

"Youthful Sakura-chan! How are you enjoying your date?" Gai turned and did his trade mark "good guy" pose. His face fell like a rock when he saw Sakura begging total strangers to shoot her. "Sakura-chan! That is not youthful!" He dragged here away from the strangers who were giving them strange looks.

"Nooo! Save me!" Sakura called after them. She was on a date with Gai. Please kill her now and end her suffering.

"Sakura-chan! You need to loosen up!" A light bulb of youthful ideas lit up above Gai's head. "I got ! Let us go to a health spa!"

Sakura screamed a silent scream of horror. Gai garbed her wrist and dragged her. She blinked S.O.S signals to all that they passed. No one helped her. Oh boy was she going to track them down later and beat them good.

(line)

"Gai-sensei…"

"Yes Sakura-chan?"

"I'm going to kill you and your little minion (Lee) too."

"… DON'T BE THAT WAY SAKURA-CHAN! BE MORE-"

"I swear that if you say the word "youthful" one more time… I will unleash heck upon your wretched soul."

"… You need to embrace the power of you-"

POW! Sakura sent Gai flying.

"SCREW F-(bleep)ing (bleepbeep) YOUTH!"

Lee popped up out of nowhere yelling "GAI-SENSEI!"

Sakura enjoyed her time at the Health spa. She got a message and everything. Gai sensei however… well he was nursed back to help buy his youthful student, Nurse Lee (imagine Lee wearing a girl nurse outfit (evil grin)).


	16. Date 15: Hanabi and Kakuzu

Date 15: Hanabi and Kakuzu.

* * *

Kakuzu was smirking like crazy under his mask. His date was heiress of the Hyuga family. The greatest and richest clan in Konoha. Now all he had to do was get this girl to like his ugly self… yeah that's not gonna happen… ever. He had to think of a better plan. If he couldn't inherit the money then what could he do?

"Um... sir?" Hanabi asked shyly. This strange masked man scared her, a lot. No, not just a lot, he scared the crap out of her. Why couldn't she get another date with Naruto?

"What." Kakuzu growled. Hanabi lost her nerve for a second.

"Why do you have such a greedy look in your eye?"

"Because I am greedy." He smiled wickedly, if his mask hadn't been hiding it Hanabi would have run away screaming. "Do you want so candy?" He asked in a very Orochimaru like way. His hand stretched out with a pile of brightly wrapped candy in it.

(Kakuzu: WTF? Me: Live with it. Kakuzu; NO! It's an outrage! No way on earth would I act like him. Me: Here's 100 bucks. Kakuzu: MONEY! Me: He's so easily pleased it's funny.)

Hanabi gulped. "Um… sure?" She slowly grabbed the candy from Kakuzu's out stretched hand. She popped a piece in her mouth and chewed slowly. She drops to the ground, out cold.

"Now I just need to hold her for ransom!"

So Kakuzu held Hanabi for ransom, but in the end he got nothing but a very scared girl for when Hanabi's father learned that she got captured because she took candy from a stranger he immediately disinherits her and proclaims Hinata as the rightful heir.


	17. Date 16 Ino and Kiba

Date 16: Ino and Kiba.

* * *

"Dog-breath"

"Slut"

"Flea bag"

"Anorexic stick"

"Yeah well your DOG!"

"YOUR MOM!"

"SHUT UP DANGIT!"

"NO YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT STARTED ALL OF THIS!"

"THERE IS NO WAY ON EARTH AM I GOING TO A DOG SHOW FOR MY DATE!"

"OH LIVE WITH IT!"

"NO! AND THE DOG HAS TO GO! IT PEE'S ON EVERY FRIGGEN TREE WE PASS!"

"HE'S JUST MARKING HIS TERRITORY!"

Akamaru gave a loud "ARF!"

"No! I'm leaving!"

"Fine! Akamaru! Let's try out or dynamic marking attack!"

"Arf!"

"Dynamic wha- AAAHHHHH!" Ino screamed as Akamaru jumped into the air spinning while... lubricating all over her.

"Noooo! I spent 500 dollars on this outfit!"

"Ha, ha! Serves you right!"

"DIE!"

* * *

Ino strangled Kiba but not successfully though for a cop just happened to pass by and stop her. Kiba pressed charges and Ino was sent to jail for five yours for assault.


	18. Date 17: Pein and Zetsu

Date 17: Pein and Zetsu.

* * *

Pein felt like the most retarded person alive. Why, WHY! Didn't he read the label on the bottle? No he just had to listen to the sales person. He was such an idiot and now he was suffering for it because his date was Zetsu.

"Leader, I love you." His white side slurred. Zetsu had apparently been drinking right before the date. They were at very nice restaurant in Amegakure.

"**Yeah you look tasty**." Zetsu's black side said. "You're lovely good. **Like muffin smex**."

"Zetsu shut up before I castrate your multi colored (beep) to next Tuesday."

"**But** we **love** you **leader**!" Both sides whined.

"Yeah and so does every other fan girl in the world and truthfully I'd prefer them to you. No matter how rabid they may be."

"**You're dead after we're done with you**." His black side said dangerously.

Needless to say. Leader kicked Zetsu's butt and Zetsu became very self conscious after the whole thing. He even went through therapy though that stopped when Kakuzu found out how much money it cost when he would "accidently" eat his therapist and had to get a new one.


	19. Date 18: Jiraiya and Rin

Date 18: Jiraiya and Rin

* * *

Rin was on a date with her sensei's sensei. She was so shocked that she couldn't even cry over Obito. She really wasn't much for older men but Jiraiya was… alright. She respected him as her sensei's sensei and as a legendary ninja.

"So you were the twerps student right?' Jiraiya asked her. They were sitting at a table in a tea shop that doubled as a hot spring.

"Yeah." Rin replied rather shyly.

"Do you want to hit the hot springs?" There was something in his eye that just screamed 'PERVERT!' Her respect for the man was falling rapidly.

"Um… how about we go to the steam room instead_?" 'That way I can keep my clothes on._ She added mentally.

"Sounds good to me!"

The steam room was very relaxing for Rin. In fact she found it so relaxing that she didn't even mind that the most perverted ninja on the planet was in there with her.

"You know I could do something like this in one of my next books."

"Really?" Rin asked him wide eyed. "I love your books!"

It was Jiraiya's turn to be surprised. "Really? I didn't think that you were into that kind of thing."

"I am!" A perverted glint appeared in the old ninja's eye.

"Well how bout we do some "acting" from the book then?"

"Okay!"

Poor, poor Rin. She didn't specify _which_ book of Jiraiya she liked. She most certainly didn't mean his Icha, Icha books. Her sensei made sure that his cute little students never read _those_ books. Instead he gave them other book written by Jiraiya like "Legend of the Gutsy ninja". So when Jiraiya tried to pull a move he got a face full of knuckle in return.


	20. Date 19: Tobi and Sasori

Date 19: Tobi and Sasori (this date is dedicated to ArtizaBANG and Kyubi-Nemu the number 1 fans of the story ;P ) And if you squint your eyes you can see the Carmen references.

* * *

Tobi didn't know where he was. He was skipping through the park with Sasori on their friend date when suddenly Sasori pushed Tobi into a hole in a tree trunk! Tobi at first was very scared but when Tobi opened his eyes he was no long inside the tree. Instead he was in some Italian village. Tobi scratched his head in confusion.

"Now how did Tobi get here?" He was the only person in the street. Not a trace of life could be seen. Tobi saw a sign hanging from an archway. It read "Seville".

"I bet that that's the name of this spooky town." Well sadly from Tobi things were about to get even spookier. Like a red dress suddenly appearing on him. He screamed bloody murder and tried to pull the darned thing off but couldn't. The dress was too tight and had no zippers he could reach.

"Wah! Tobi dose not like this." Suddenly a whole mass of people filled the streets singing songs about him. They all seemed to know his name…

Then Sasori appeared to Tobi's left wearing a Spanish suit.

"You shall never have me dear Tobi!" he yelled pointing a hunched over figure to Tobi's right.

"Sasori sempai are you alright?" Tobi pulled down in his red dress. He felt so vulnerably for his other clothes, the one's he was wearing disappeared when the dress came. He even lost his boxers!

"ku, ku, ku" Said the hunched over figure. "I shall never give my precious." His head snapped around. "TOBI!" Two snakes slithered out of Orochimaru's mouth. Tobi eeped in shock.

"GRaaah!" They both shouted battle cries and charged each other. And oh boy was it the cat fight of the century! There was name calling, hair pulling, and sharp finger nails! Deidara and Hidan cheered for Sasori along the side lines. While Kabuto and Sasuke hooted at Orochimaru. Sasuke let out a few cat calls.

"Tobi is so confused!"

"**Then come with me**."

"Ah Zetsu-san! Wait... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Having fun."

"NOOOO! STOP! NOW! TOBI DOESN'T LIKE THIS!"

"**But I'm so close**."

"STOP GETTING HANDSY WITH TOBI!"

"But it's a love handle Tobi!"

"TOBI WAKE UP!"

Tobi jumped five feet into the air as the cold water splashed on him.

"Wha?" Tobi looked around scratching his head. He was back in the park. "What happened?" He stared at Sasori who was standing over him.

"You fell out of a hole in a some tree muttering half crazed phrases so I decided to wake you up.."

"Tobi is never gong near Zetsu-san ever again."

"??"

* * *

And so Tobi avoided Zetsu for the rest of his life! Zetsu was rather sad though. So through Kisame he joined Shino's emo gang which has been growing since its last member. The emo gang now has its own theme song! Oh let this be a lesson to you readers! Never jump into tree holes! You never know what **C**-_r_-_A_-_**z**_-**Y** stuff could happen!


	21. Date 20: Asuma and Naruto

Date 20: Asuma and Naruto

* * *

"Ne,ne Asuma-sensei! I wanna train!"

"Perfectly fine with me!" Asuma cheered happily hoping to stir the conversation away from the fact that his blind date was Naruto.

"So teach me wind manipulation!"

"You know Naruto." Asuma had an evil idea. Yes he wasn't the type for evil ideas but he wanted revenge against Tsunade. When Kurenai found out that his date was some hot chic she kicked him out of the apartment they shared. He's been staying at Gai's house for the last three weeks. He didn't know how much longer his sanity would hold up.

"What is it Asumae-sensei?" Naruto asked his eyes wide and curious.

"I think it's time you learned about the bird and bees."

"What about the birds and the bees?"

"It's an expression."

"Expression for what?"

"Sex"

Naruto's face was something very similar to this….. (O.O)

Half and hour later

* * *

"I-I… I see…. So…" He made a loop with his middle finger touching his thumb and put his index finger on the other hand through the loop.

"Yep! And make sure that you don't miss the hole! Well see you later Naruto! And if you have anymore questions go see Tsunade!"

"But!" Naruto had hundreds of questions. Asuma-sensei only went into detail about a few things. "I guess I'll go see granny Tsunade then." He skipped off to the Hokage's office.

(line)

Tsunade was, for the first time in a long while, happy. She sipped at her delicious, hot tea and leaned back in her impressive Hokage chair.

"This is the life." She sighed. "If only it could be like this all the time. Nice, peaceful and most of all… quiet."

"OY! GRANNY TSUNADE!!!!!!" Naruto yelled charging into her office. Naruto just barely avoided the chair she threw at him.

"SHUT UP YOU-!"

"What's sex like?" Her jaw dropped.

"W-what's sex like?"

"Yeah! Asuma-sensei was telling me about the "birds and the bees" But he didn't go into much detail."

"What did he tell you?" She asked. This had to be revenge. It just had to be.

"Well Asuma sensei said that when a man and woman get together they pull out their magic wands and dance around a circle naked in a forest meadow singing kom buy ah (I don't know how to spell it) and then the guy puts his finger in the woman's mouth and a baby pops out of the ground and magic fairies fly down and bless the baby and centaurs give it rides and little gnomes feeds it honey and-"

"That is not sex at all."

"? Then what is it?" She sighed.

"Okay Naruto listen up cuz I'm only saying this once. Sex is…"

* * *

Five hours and immense detail later….

* * *

"…"

"You understand now, right Naruto?"

"…"

"I'm surprised Jiraiya didn't tell you yet."

"…"

"Well truthfully I gave you the same talk he gave me and Orochimaru. Oro never was that same after…. Anyways get out of my office. I rarely have a day where I can just relax."

In a daze the color blind ninja walked out of the room. Just as he left Shizune came running in whit ha huge pile of papers in her hands.

"This is just not my day…" Tsunade did the mature thing to do, she jumped out the window and speed off.


	22. Date 21: Orochimaru and Kankuro

Date 21: Orochimaru and Kankuro.

* * *

"So you're a puppet master as well eh?"

Kankuro was too scared to speak.

The poor, poor, unfortunate sand nin had landed a blind date with Orochimaru.

"You remind me of my old _partner_" The snake man hissed in what he thought a seductive tone.

"Why do you do this" Kankuro quickly asked. Hoping to stir the conversation away from his eventual man rape.

"Do what?" Orochimaru asked, cocking his head to the side. His hand hovered above Kankuro's upper thigh. Sweat rolled down the sand nins face as genuine curiosity crossed Orochimaru's features.

"Why you're such a man whore! And why you steal people's bodies!" Kankuro's eyes dared to the hand still hanging above his thigh.

"Well…" Orochimaru began, actually going to answer the question. "It all began when Jiraiya gave me and Tsunade the "talk"

'_Oh sweet pie what did I get myself into' _Kankuro was deeply regretting his question. Even if it did delayed his impending rape.

* * *

**2 days later**

Orochimaru had spent two days. TWO (BLEEPEN) DAYS to narrate his life story. He told how after the talk he decided to go try "some things" and came back heartbroken. That day he swore of women. Everything after was just stories from when he and Tsunade would hit the male dominated bars. He also told of a rather painful memory when Tsunade bashed the living daylights out of him just because he got a man and she didn't. And as for the matter of why he stole people's bodies well he like the feeling of "invading the castle" just before he took over their bodies. Kankuro was forever scared for life.

"Now that I explained all of that lets "get some"!

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

As to how things ended…. Well Luckily for Kankuro Gaara charged through the wall on a pretty pink unicorn welding the sparkly magic wand of all things pink and frilly teleported Kankuro out of the room. And as for Orochimaru… well he stated to laugh at the unicorn and well…. Let's just say Orochimaru got seriously pwned. He was pooping sparkles for weeks.


	23. Date 22: Tenten and Kin

**Date 23: Tenten and Kin

* * *

**Tenten was regretting a dare she made with Lee before her date came. Lee dared her to kiss her date at the very end. Tenten never backed away from a dare, her pride wouldn't allow it.

Now Lee daring Tenten was entirely Neji's idea to get a kiss from Tenten. Neji was going to rig the program so that he would get a date with her and not some fish person. Not that there was anything wrong with fish people, Kisame was a fine...fish... person...

So now as Tenten's date with Kin, that girl that got pwned by Shikamaru.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Kin asked Tenten.

"I'm not staring at you." Tenten denied even though it was very, extremely, excruciatingly so obvious that she was staring at Kin.

"Stop..."

"I'm not staring at you!"

"I'm gay!"

"I'm not!"

"Pie is disgusting!"

"Uh no you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"You beeyoch!"

"The date's over right?"

"Yeah no I have to kiss you!"

"But you said your straight!"

"It's a dare!"

"Oh okay!"

"Here I go!"

"Come on!"

"Just a sec"

"I'm waiting!"

"Here it comes!"

"I'm growing old here!"

"I can't do this!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Good cuz I didn't want to kiss you!"

"But aren't you gay?!"

"Yeah but your so manly, in looks and hobbies!"

"You sexist!"

"Like, I know right?!"

"Die!"

So Kin and Tenten got into a big fight with hair pulled and nail scratching. During the fighting Sakura came in and pushed Tenten, which caused Tenten to fall forward and lock lips with Kin. Tobi was there taking pictures to sell in the Internet.

So all in all Tenten did the dare but Kin was washing her mouth out with soap for the next five weeks.

* * *

Okay and thats it! The grand anti-climatic ending of Naruto Blind dates 2! Now I have an important announcement!

There will be a Naruto Blind Dates.... drum roll please....3!!!!! And this time you! Yes YOU! Chose the dates! (please no redos of any dates done so far and please don't start requesting dates)

But I'll need at least 10 more reviews before I start writing!


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